It was just me and Indi that night, sitting next to each other telling tell ourselves all the deap secrets, blonde joke we had, and all our troubles and happy times, and the memories we had together. Which wasn't many, because I hadn't known her for THAT long. At least... not like some people who have known their besties for like, a hundred years, since "they were born" as lots of them said.

But no, Indi and I had just known each other for about a year. And yet we clicked like glue onto paper. We really did. And we told each other just about everything.

But right now, the lights were off, and everything was pitch black. Only because Dad said they had to be off. Indi, then, said how much she hated it when her Mum said to turn the lights off at like, 7:00 when she was nine. I laughed at that. I don't why. I just did. But I didn't reply. I just brought my knees to my chin and wrapped my arms around them, while I stared at the black wall infront of me.

"You okay?" Indi said to me after a while.
"Yeah," I said. It was half a lie, but half not.
"What's up?"
"...yeaah?" She had that tone of voice that made me want to spill out everything, but I wasn't sure if I should.
I sighed. And then I gave up. Yeah, I may as well spill everything out to her. "Okay. When we got home, do you remember Tay saying that she had to go out somewhere?"
"And Junky--"
"Oh yeah--yeah!" She stared at me, and I looked into her eyes. Or maybe I was looking at her forehead, I don't know, I couldn't tell because everything was so dark. But I could feel her sweet pressence, and the same worriedness that I had covering her.
"Do you think she'd be okay?"
"Are you saying... she's with Junky somewhere?" Indi said. Her voice actually seemed more firghtened than mine.
"That's what I think. At a... place." I looked back at the black wall.
"I think she'd be fine though," Indi said after a while. "Has anything ever happened with Junky and her... has she ever gotten drunk or hurt or--?"
"No... But I don't know why I'm affraid right now."
Indi didn't say anything. But I could sense her turning to look at the same wall I was staring at.
"Maybe I could call her." I said.
"Or maybe we could ask your dad."
"Or maybe we could just leave it..." I sighed again. "Yeah, maybe we're just imagining all this."
"Maybe we should just wait."

Sorry!!! I have to go and have lunchhh, urggg. Will write as soon as I'm backk:)

Bonnie <3


the presentt.

And back to where I finished off at -- well, yeah, we went to this awesome cafe' thing, it was heaps cool. It looked like Noah's Ark... something I'd heard about in Sunday school way back when my auntie brought me there every Sunday, until Dad told her I should decide for myself whether I should go to church or not. I wanted to, but Dad basically decided for himself, and stopped me going. So much for me decided mySELF.

Well, anyway... Indi and I were laughing away -- it was sooo fun. Sometimes Tay was too, but then she'd stop and look away, as though she was thinking about the past, and was sad or something. I guessed she was just missing her best friend. Eww, don't like him.

Anyway, and then we got like two milkshakes each -- THAT was cool. And then Taylor told one of the workers that it was my 13th birthday today, and... it was kinda embarrassing but cool at the same time, the lady brought three cupcakes with candles on them and got heaps of people to sing happy birthday to us. She said it was for free (because she was like, the boss of the whole shop or something) but Taylor gave her money anyway. And then we got this other little apple pie thing, and left!

It was way fun. Heaps funner than I thought it would be.

"That Strawberry milkshake was SO nice!" Indi said, as we headed out of the cafe'.

"I loved my chocolate one." Taylor said.

"Nah -- strawberry best by far." I said.

Taylor laughed. "Well, happy birthday, Bonnie... I hope you had a great birthday party."

"Of course I did, silly!" I cried, nudging Tay.

Taylor was still laughing. "Good. Because it's not over."

I just stared at her.

"You forgot the birthday presents, silly," Indi said. It was her turn to nudge me.

"Riiightt... like, just your present to me."

"Nope." Tay said. She unlocked the car doors and we all got inside. "I have one too. And it's right here." And then she placed the box that was wrapped with purple and green swirl wrapping paper on my lap, and both Indi and Taylor smiled at me. It was a pretty small box, and it was long, and it looked... really important.

A huge smile was on my face -- I was probably acting really immature, but, who cares! I didn't think I was actually going to get a birthday PRESENT, object thingie, from Tay... I mean, my party was good enough.

And then I softly opened it, and saw just like... another box. Except this one was decorated and yellow with a bow on it. I lifed up the lid, and there was a silver necklace, with a silver heart. I looked up at Tay.

"It was mum's." Taylor said.

I didn't know what to say to that. Because that was too... precious.

"But -- it should be yours," I said after a while.

Taylor shook her head. "I had it for a while, but it belongs to you now."

All I could do was smile. "Did she really wear this?"

"That's what Dad said. And I've seen it on her in one of the photos in the attic."

I looked back down at the precious necklace, and picked it up like it was burried treasure in those movies. And then Taylor put it around my neck and I felt it the whole way home. I had my mothers journal, and then I had her necklace. That was half good, but half not.

Bonnie <3

p.s. will write more later.


my partyyy:D

I thought of so many things for my party, and like, I did none of it. There was a pool party (we have a pool in out backyard) that I thought of, but Dad said I couldn't because -- I don't know, it was dirty or something. There were only leaves in it! I said I'd clean it myself, but he still said no because... something about there being no chlorine in the water or something. I still said it doesn't matter, but he STILL said no!!

And then I thought about having a sleepover. But stupid Junky was going to be staying be with my sister (Taylor) all day, and they, I don't know, were going out that night somewhere, and Dad -- as he said -- couldn't (well, didn't WANT to) look after all us alone. I told him he didn't have to do anything, that we wouldn't be too noisy and stuff, but -- you could guess. He said -- NO! Because, apparently, Taylor was the only one who was about to look after us.

And then I thought of a time when Taylor WOULD be around and wouldn't be with the retard, and it WASN'T at home, and I thought of horse riding! How awesome??!! Horse riding? What a dream come true for me:) Actually, it wasn't really like, a huge dream, Indi and I have just never ridden a horse, so I was like, yeah, birthday riding much. Anyway, the excuse was that it was too much money, and, even though Taylor's awesome, she couldn't afford it just like Dad. I was going to try and save up, but, I couldn't... because Dad said just to think of something else to do...PLEASE??

I kinda gave up then. I didn't think I was going to get ANY party. And the only thing he accepted was just for Indi and I to go to the movies IF Indi paid for her, and I paid for me, and IF I only invited one person, and IF Taylor agreed to come along with us.

I didn't like that idea. But it was the only one I got, so I did it anyway.

And it went heaps good... until that night.

Junky had to help his mom move or something, so Taylor was free -- finally. She drove Indi and I to the movies, and the whole way there, she was making us laugh SO hard! There was finally a joy in Tay, and it was awesome. Taylor hadn't laughed ever since she'd met Junky. And as soon as she was away from him, she was her own self again.

After the movies, I thought we were just going to drop Indi home and it would all be over, but Taylor had a  better idea:

"Hey, Bon -- wanna go and get some lunch?" Tay said, she was smiling so bright, I couldn't do anything but stare. She really WAS different when Junky wasn't around.

"Yeah... but I don't have enough money -- Dad would--"

"You don't need any money."
"But what about Indi?" I said.

Taylor was still smiling. "She doesn't need any money either."

"Really?" I said, eyebrows rising, "Than --?"

"I'll pay."

I didn't say anything.

"C'mon, it won't cost THAT much. Besides, it's your birthday, Bonnie, it's for you!"

I was shocked. I mean, I shouldn't have. We weren't poor, but I guess we weren't rich. I don't know, things had changed so much lately it was kind of like we really WERE poor. Considering Dad had said like no to everything that only used up like $2 worth of money.

I agreed to it, and Indi and I were SO excited!!!

Oh, I gotta go -- but I'll write later, I promise. I wish I could just tell you everything right now. But Indi's on the phone. I will be backkk!!!

Bonnie <3


sad... happy...

Today is the day after Christmas, you know, that Eve kind of day. I can't believe I actually forget what its called. Or maybe that's because so much stuff is on my mind... too much... bad... horrible, terrible -- okay, just get to the point Bonnie!

Okay, so anyone, feel free to kill me. Seriously. Guess what Dad told me today? We're moving! yay....how...exciting :/ We've moved so many times, I'm dying a bit more everytime I get to a new school, having to make new friends... there's always new, new, new everything! I really hate that, you know. I was only just getting used to this school and this one girl, Indi that I've been getting along with, and then someone has to come along and like, ruin it for me. That always happens. And the first ruining time was when mom left.

My sister thought it was pretty lame too, except she's like heaps older, so she probably won't be moving with us 'cause she's got this guy in her life. I mean, yeah, I don't know, just this person. I don't really like him, he's a bit weird. He's names something like Junky...or maybe it's Jinky, I don't know, one or the other. He actually does look like junk. He acts like junk anyway.

Okay, enough of that, I'm getting so... anyway, yeah, so basically lifes gonna get even worse. I mean, Indi was awesome, I was like, so wanting to like, become... I don't know, really close friends, and then this stupid little plan ruins everything!

Anyway, you probably hate my complaining so I better stop, but that's what's happening in my life right now. But I guess there IS one thing that can make me sort of smile... I'm turning 13 tomorrow!! I'm so excited -- I'm gonna be a teenager! YAY!

I don't know what I should do for my party... any suggestions???? :)

Bonnie <3